Shapeshifter Day 64 - the holy grail
Dec 15, 2019
** WARNING -. today's message is a loooong read. If you're interested in knowing more of my back story, as well as the location of the Holy Grail... please proceed ;) **
I've been sharing a message, publicly, in the online space now for nearly ten years.
Seven years as the current iteration of my message, and three years before that as a vegan food blogger (<-- did you know this? lol)
It's actually vegan food blogging that lead me to the esoteric wisdoms that I currently understand and teach.
This is a total side-story, but I'm feeling called to share it so it must be relevant... so maybe not a side story.
(who am I to judge the message! lol)
The whole reason I went vegan in the first place was because I was deathly afraid of dying from cancer and in my prevention research, I had heard that a vegan lifestyle greatly reduced the chances of cancer.
And so I decided to give that route a go.
However, in my furthered explorations I also found all sorts of other information that was completely contradictory to the "vegan lifestyle prevents cancer" paradigm which, to be honest, was not unlike the years and years of dieting research I did before it - in which the strategies of each different "diet" was completely contradictory to the next.
Eventually, my curiosities became dissatisfied with what this cancer research was telling me, due to the obvious fact that there appeared to be no "one" answer as each of these camps had rave testimonials, not to mention often-times scientific evidence to back it up.
This got me thinking that if there were many, completely contradictory philosophies about food & body & cancer, all with their own "proven" success stories... then there must be something deeper at play actually creating the success, than the physical world strategy.
Which lead me to the exploration of how thoughts influence form, sending me down a massive rabbit hole of quantum physics, and holographic universes, and "secret" mystical teachings of all sorts.
I started 'backdooring' these teachings into my food blog because I felt compelled to share, but quite frankly, I was scared of what people would think of me when I started talking about the woowoo stuff I REALLY wanted to talk about... even though I knew deep down, that's what I was here to do.
Fuck, I knew even 5 years prior that I was here to help massive amounts of people navigate their lives in a way that was in alignment with their soul. I knew even back then when I had no words to put to why I was leaving my husband and my life for some unidentified calling in my heart, what I was to do.
To me, it felt like I was being called to a starting gate where I was lining up with a bunch of others that I couldn't yet see, waiting for the horn to blow... but I didn't know what the gate was for and I didn't know where I was going. I was only aware that I could not ignore the call.
Little did I know, around that same time, some college student was creating a platform to compare chicks at Harvard, that would soon connect the world in ways unknown before, and that this platform would be used by all those ones at the starting gate to spread paradigm-altering messages, near and far.
At the beginning of the esoteric explorations that my vegan adventures had lead me to, I was living in Nebraska and literally knew not a single person who was exploring the stuff that I was exploring (which is now crazy to consider, because my life is filled only with these people)
I felt isolated and a little crazy, and I gave birth to a monumental desire to connect with others that were talking about similar things. I wanted a forum, other than the stylist chair that I worked behind, in which to have these conversations.
So... In 2012, on that Harvard guy's platform, I started a community called Rebels for Consciousness. Within three months 10,000 people had shown up and I began having these wild woowoo conversations with people all over the world.
I began showing up every day just really rather obsessed with talking about this stuff.
I made my first ever youtube videos, I posted my written thoughts for all to read, I started my first facebook group with a thousand people in it, I had more individual skype conversations than I could count, I hosted weekly online round table conversations with my peers, and I even started facilitating virtual workshops and mentoring a few people.
All of this stuff scared the fuck out of me, by the way... but I just couldn't not do it. It's almost like I couldn't stop myself if I tried (trust me, I tried... many times. never panned out well. lol)
And it was during that time also, that I began noticing words and messages coming out of my mouth that almost didn't feel like "my own" in the sense that they were wisdoms far beyond the scope of "chandra".
But, I just kept right on sharing them, and in truth getting schooled as fuck, in the most firey sort of ways, by following my own teachings.
These messages lead me down paths, and roadways and some pretty sketchy looking back alleys that I would have never guessed I would go down.
And in all honesty, I was confused by my own teachings for a very very long time.
The messages that were flowing through me seemed to be contradictory...
they were (and still are) this weird mish-mash of woowoo-metaphysical-life-is-just-an-illusion... AND... get-Bold-AF-and-live-your-fuck-Yes-life !!!
One side of the message that was pouring through me was very physically focused with law of attraction-type teachings, and the other side of it was very non-physically focused with mystical non-duality type teachings.
I kept swinging drastically between these two extremes, and I was having a really hard time reconciling them because the bottom just simply fell out of both of them, when held side-by-side.
Kinda like back when I was doing my food, body and cancer research.
Beyond the fact that neither of them, on their own, held up in court... I learned that to deny my physical world desires definitely does not work for me.
Yet, to pursue physical world satisfaction in denial of my connection to and as, the Source Dreamer, doesn't work for me either.
I spent a lot of time (years) sorting through my inner conflict around my own messaging and have come out on the other side in full reconciliation and VERY CLEARLY understanding that both of these camps of knowledge are vital to what I’m called to remember & activate in “others”.
Ironically, I found reconciliation in the awareness that the two were irreconcilable, because they're paradoxical.
Contradictory perspectives, that are both true.
We are both human and not human.
We are both physical and not physical.
We are both light and dark.
We are both angelic and devilish.
This life is both not real, while we also have a very real experience of it.
What I found, is that no part of me felt free as long as I was rejecting any part of who I was.
And so, I began to call upon mastery of living in the paradox of my humanness and my non-humanness... and I found, in that center point, exists a whole other iteration of being.
Which is the wHoly Human.
This is the human who has become lucid within the dream of form, yet remains here in the dream; fully well aware of the illusion it is, as a master divine magician of space and time.
The wHoly Human is capable of holding two completely paradoxical perspectives without imploding.
This is only possible once most of the human consciousness is burnt up in the alchemical fires of its own emotion.
This is because the human consciousness is only held intact by very real meanings, and proximities, and relations, and objective world paradigms and ideas, like good and bad and right and wrong...
it cannot hold paradoxical perspectives equally in its consciousness without destroying itself... and so it tries to hide from the paradox, which is really to hide from its own true self.
Now that I think about it, this is actually funny because it's the fires of emotion caused by its inability to hold the paradox that ends up destroying the human consciousness anyways. lol
Basically, the human as we know it is set to self-destruct because it didn't come here to be a human who thinks it's a human.
However, you also did not come here to escape this dream or transcend the physical plane and go back to where you originated.
You came to embody the wholeness of your divinity WHILE in the human dream, so you can play with the world of form as the wild, bold, liberated, completely individuated, godhead creator you are.
This is the message I'm here to share.
It was coming through me before I even fully understood it.
Merge the sacred & the profane,
to render the totality divine.
that the freedom I sought
the mastery of the paradox
And so, this is the paradox I’m mastering and it's the mastery my students are moved towards as well, whether or not they're consciously aware of it or have the words to explain why they even feel called to this message I share.
and until you allow yourself to know and have this holy grail, that can only be found within the juxtaposition of the paradox...
you will continue to feel a sense of bondage by way of self-denial, whether it be a little niggling annoyance of a shackle or a straight-up all-consuming prison.
My message is not for you, if you're committed to remaining a limited human.
The one thing I've learned about this dream character I play is that she's certifiably crazy about uncovering the sexiest, juiciest, highest freedom available to us humans AS the wHoly Human.
She's consistently inconsistent in almost every way, except for this unexplainable lifelong devotion to ultimate liberation.
It drives her, it compels her, it moves her in ways unimaginable.
To dance freely in the paradoxical riddle of our multi-dimensional existence, both mortal + immortal, human + god, is to master lucidity in this dream we call “life”
And, for myself, and the people who are called my way...
to become full time lucid in the dream of life as the Embodiment of the wHoly Human IS the ultimate liberation
...and just plain what-the-fuck we’re here to do.