Shapeshifter Day 46 - born to change
Nov 27, 2019
I was born a midwestern girl, in a conservative corn farming town.
I was raised in a community in which the main social events were tailgating, watching college football, and cruising around house parties and bars, to drink all of the alcohol.
The people I grew up with were good-hearted people, most of whom lived in the same place and did the same things, for an entire lifetime.
It was a simple life, where the focus was on going to work to pay the bills and take care of the family.
No one I knew asked questions about the possibilities that might exist outside the life they were familiar with (at least not out loud)
What I observed never made sense to me; not on a cognitive level, but deep in my soul. For so many years I couldn't quite put my finger on what felt so 'off' about it to me.
By the time I reached my early teens, I was palpably aware that I just didn't really fit in and all I knew to do back then was rebel against what didn't make sense to me.
I suppose, although I wasn't doing it consciously, in a roundabout sort of way, that was the beginning of my questioning the status quo.
I always joked in high school, that I had a dream of becoming a motivational speaker by day, and a slutty lounge singer by night.
In hindsight, total foreshadowing ;)
I never dreamed of getting married or having a family. Going to college didn't appeal to me AT ALL, although I tried it a couple times. And I was never motivated by money, accolades, awards, or scholarly praise.
I was (and still am) the black sheep of my family. The only thing I've ever consistently wanted my entire life is to be free.
What freedom means to me has shifted, morphed, and expanded with each reinvention of my self.
I've lost track of how many times I've reinvented myself. I think I was born with the impulse to traverse inner & outer worlds, beating in my heart. Navigating the change that comes along with this, is something I've been mastering my whole life.
Even in my younger, far less conscious states, I always had such great awareness, insight, and alternative perspectives to offer.
I was inspiring as fuck, even back then.
I remember I helped so many of my friends say yes to themselves and reimagine what was possible for their lives... in addition to a handful of my boyfriends and countless random bar-goers who happened to be lucky enough to sit down next to me in my rambling state of drunkenness.
I was told, that clarity & inspiration were side-effects of hanging out with me.
It's so interesting to look back on that curious girl, with the rebellious heart, who felt like she didn't belong and judged all her genius as all wrong.
Such a brilliantly beautiful soul, who felt completely unworthy because she didn't fit the mold into which she was born.
So, she based her worth on what the numbers on the scale told her, on her ability to drink the bar-guys under the table, by the love & attention she received from boys, by the house she owned and the "responsible" life she built at age 22, in attempt to hide the fact that she felt like a total outcast.
Little did I know, back then, how much tenacity it would take to shed the skins of my upbringing, transcend my addictions and reimagine myself on repeat.
Little did I know the audacity it would take to pick myself back up each of the countless times I fell flat on my face, wept rivers of tears into my IPA, and felt like I just simply couldn't take another step forward.
Over and over and over again I picked myself back up, I took bold leaps of faith, I dismissed what my outside world was saying, and I told new stories about who-the-fuck I am and what I get to have.
I've devoted my life to dismantling the paradigms that bind me because, amongst a sea of endless change, freedom has been my one constant driver and my guiding light.
And this, I've learned, is the secret to mastering the art of reinventing yourself and navigating change...
You must dig deep to find your one unwavering, intrinsic motivation and let it serve as your beacon of light.
Let it propel you, let it guide you, and let it see for you when you feel like you can't see for yourself.
This takes a downright ballsy boldness of faith, that when activated repeatedly, will expand in its capacity to illuminate your way and burn to ashes any obstacles.
Eventually, what was once a tiny, almost undetectable, spark in a dark room, will become a blazing fire that lights up every corner of your life, providing unfuckwithable clarity.
You will look back in amazement, with proud eyes, at all the iterations of you that you passed through to get where you are now.
And then, you will carry on in joy...
because you weren't born to say the same; you were born to change.
You were born to traverse inner and outer worlds, to know ultimate freedom, and to shapeshift into ever-expanding versions of your Self as you remember who the fuck you really are.
If you're looking for support with re-inventing yourself, navigating change, and dreaming awake your wildest desires...